Handling Holland.. (and now aidan too!)

He was a young boy, he was only 21. His name was Geoffery. We first met in May. His dad owns a construction company in Belgium, and we were recomended to them by our agent to do all the renovation work for our house. (picture taken in may, our first meeting, Geoffery in red, His dad, Victor far left, looking at the garage and how it is to be done.)

Still a student, a bouwtechnische student, on his summer holidays. One more year to graduation and a bright future ahead of him, i’m very certain. In our eyes, he was a dedicated worker who was so very efficient. Ever willing to help us with everything we need to know and plan. We ‘clicked’ and i guess the age difference did us good. We communicated very well, and didnt have any problems dealing with him at all. Hardy speaks to him and checks on the progress everyday, and sometimes if hardy doesnt call, he’d call and update us. (picture taken in June, Geoffrey working on the wall of our baby room)

Imagine, still a boy, at the age of 21, conducting a MAJOR renovation of a house, alone, with 4 (sometimes more) older workers under him. He had to deal with so many issues and planning and regulations, wiring, lighting, ordering of materials, arranging meetings with other sub contractors, payments, planning the next step and he handled it all by himself. (picture: the extent of our renovation.)

We kept telling ourselves how lucky we were to have such a person to handle our house. how accommodating he was and how easy to work and plan with him. He took our jokes, he took our suggestions, he took my bargaining skills, a very humble boy. (picture taken before he left for Turkey, discussing the extention of our dining and kitchen with Hardy.)

Geoffrey had planned to take his holiday break with his girlfriend, Wendy to Turkey early August. Before he left for Turkey, he finished everything he had planned and arranged so many things for his father, Victor and the rest of the workers to do. Both Geoffrey and Wendy even came to the house that morning before their flight off to clean off and make sure everything’s under control. that’s how dedicated he was. It shows that he had the passion and dedication and love doing what he does best. We told him to have a great time, and dont think of the house while on his holiday eventho we had a dateline!

He got back from Turkey on the 14th August, took a day off on the 15th and continued working at our house the next day. Hardy saw him that morning before he started work. That night, on the 16th, sadly, Geoffrey passed away.

Hardy was informed of the news from Geoffrey’s sister, Anja, and she said that we dont have to worry about the house because the father wishes and insisted that he will finish off his son’s job right away. How can a family in such grief and loss would think of others first? I was left devastated and couldnt stop crying the whole day. I was so looking forward to meeting him after his holidays to ask him about Turkey. We have so many things to discuss and talk about, I’ve promised to cook for him once the house is ready, and it was just too shocking for me to take it all in. Took me more than a day to get over it, I had so many questions, Hardy calmly answered one by one with such comforting answers. We were both so very sad.

First question was, "how come?", then "was he pressured?", "is it because of our house?" i cant help but to feel guilty, "where do you think he is now?" He didnt have any complaints, any sickness, any medical history, nothing. His heart just stopped. I guess we just have to accept that everything is in God’s hands. In my heart, i kept saying "i hope he heard azan in Turkey, and may he be in a better place".

We were deeply saddened by his passing, it has affected us deeply, i never knew such a person would have such an impact on us that soon, that fast, let alone that deep. He was building our home, he tore down the whole garage with his bare hands, he worked really hard to get the house ready for us, in time for the baby.

We went to his service. The least we could do for a guy who has done so much for us. We paid our last respects. We can tell that he was loved by everyone by the number of people who were there. Everyone spoke very highly of him. We stayed till the end, i was so so touched by the family, who cant stop thanking us for coming. Victor kept promising that he’ll finish his son’s work very soon. We kept telling him not to worry and to take his own time. And at the end of the service, Victor said how happy Geoffrey was working with our house and he didnt have any complaints, and told him how nice we both are. I couldnt believe my ears. And i told Victor, any parent would be proud to have a son like Geoffrey, any sister would be proud to have a brother like Geoffrey, anyone would be proud to have known him. And i’m sure Geoffrey would be proud of them too. Tears were in our eyes throughout the conversation, felt sad, "sebak". As we spend more and more time with Victor sitting down, after the service, he spoke very highly of us and i thought to myself, what a man he was! his son just passed away, and all he could talk about to us was about our house. That same day he found out his son had passed away, he still kept to his son’s words to meet at the house with the people handling the doors. He couldnt stop telling us he will do his best to finish of Geoffrey’s work. He couldnt stop telling us how such good people we are. I was amazed with his strength and will and how unselfish he was, thinking about us. Such a big heart he has. He then said to us "i love you". We now know where Geoffrey got his humbleness and kindness. I was left with such and awe and even more full of love for this family.

We used to check on the progress of our house almost everyday. But eversince Geoffrey’s passing, i just couldnt go. I kept seeing him there, working, i kept hearing his voice and i just couldnt. I thought to myself, if i would be feeling this horrible, his family and friends must have felt even worst! Took me a while to go to the house. Hardy checks on the progress but now i guess i have to be proud that someone as dear and humble as Geoffrey has build our home.

Our love, gratitude and heart goes out to his family - His wonderful parents, Victor & Gertrude Philippens, His beautiful sister Anja, brother in law Gunthur, his nephew Quinten, his wonderful girlfriend, Wendy and his many many friends.

I’m glad i’ve told him before his passing that i was really pleased with his work, loved our bathroom, we like what he did to our attic, we love the velux he installed, good job on the garage and extention, and just how happy we with everything he had done. but nonetheless, i still feel that there should be more praises.

We thank you for all the hard work you have done for us, in building our beautiful home. i wouldnt want to trade it with any other houses. thank you for being part of us, this short period of time. thank you for your humbleness, your determination, your commitment, your skill, your time and your friendship. We treassure every brick you lay, and we will soon have something to show to everyone such wonderful work you have done. we wouldnt have a home, if not for you.

(picture: A very proud father and a i’m very sure, a very proud son too - at work)

This has taught me a lot, never to take anything and anyone for granted. Remember God at all times and how great He is. Always be thankful to Him, syukur with what He has given you and not to treat people badly or you might regret it for the rest of your life. Always give what you want to receive from others, you treat them well, they’ll treat you well. Put religion, race, nationality aside, God made us all the same, respect each other’s religion, values and customs, only He knows what’s in our hearts and our niat.

I’ve always wanted to write about my pregnancy but i’m sure most people know what to expect from it anyway! what you all might NOT know is when you’re pregnant in a different country for the FIRST time, having your FIRST born AWAY from your grounds, AWAY from the familiar faces, basically, AWAY from all fammiliarities!

Questions questions questions! I had so many questions, and i still do! some are still unanswered (sometimes, its good not knowing, you just have to go through it), some have already been answered (in dutch with some slight difficulties). I’ve decided to do this with no text book in sight, the photos scares this s**t out of me! i do read a lot on the internet and sometimes ask my sister to refer to her text book she has back in UK!

You really ought to be mentally ready for everything’s installed for you for the next 9 months (any possibly more!) being pregnant far far away isnt that easy peezy i tell you! with hormones changing, you need to be strong. it helps when your husband’s always there for you to listen to your whining and soothes the aching! hardy was so strong and so supportive, he was unbeliveable! to have him around at all times gives me the extra strength. but there are some things you have to endure them on your own and keep it to yourself (you wouldnt want to whine too much when your husband comes home from work, especially when its his first few months with the new surroundings, new culture, new work, you gotta be fair, and besides, its not good for the relationship!)

What i dont really recommend:

1. MOVING OUT OF THE COUNTRY FOR GOOD - i dont recommend you moving out of your home country for good when you’re pregnant! it takes extra patience, extra everything! you have to be mentally prepared for everything instore for you for the next 9 months.

2. BUYING A HOUSE - most people think we’re here only for a period of time, 2-4 years. in true fact, nope! its permanent and we’re settling down here. i’d say a good 10-15 years, thus why it is worth to invest on a property. it is extremely difficult and quite a challenge to purchase a house when you’ve only been in the country less than a year. and not to mention, everything’s in dutch. the regulations on getting our visa, getting the right visa/stamps in our passport, applying of our status in the EU, what documents to have and convert, our driving licence, which mortgage to go for, how to get one, the insurace policies, i have never been proud of anyone as much as i am proud of my husband. how he handled things for the both of us and our baby, to provide us with a home here.

3. RENOVATING YOUR HOUSE  - if you find a house that suits you well, and its perfect, complete with everything, no work needed, well, you’re lucky! we found a beautiful, good old house, fell in love with the location and decided to go for it! it needs a LOT of work and to get it completed before the baby comes is a real challenge. getting the architect, designing the whole house, deciding which walls to tear down, dealing with the constructors, is a lot! but we have quite a team behind us. a nice architect, a good agent, good hardworking romanian, belgian workers, the best constructor who’s heading the whole renovation. no we’re not lucky, we’re EXTREMELY LUCKY and BLESSED. i do not recommend it to everyone unless you’re ready for the ride!

What i strongly recommend:

1. LEARN THE LANGUAGE -  if you do however intend to move out of your home country, know of the language first! or learn as fast as you can once you’re there. everything’s in Dutch and we had to learn it and learn it quick. we take dutch classes twice a week. in my case, i’m a slow learner, hardy’s way way faster! i’m now having problems at my zwangerschap gym (pregnancy gym), as it is conducted in dutch! but the others were very helpful in translating most of the technical words! quite difficult to make out what’s on the labels of my shower gel for instance.. or what kind of bread and milk you’re buying, or the traffic warnings! thus we carry a pocket dictionary in the car for easy reference!

2. GET DIGITAL/SATELITE TV - when you’re in a foreign land, and in need of some sort of entertainment that you can understand, get satelite tv! it keeps you updated with the outside world and will give you joy and laughter! eheheh… and whenever you’re wathing the local channels, read the subtitles! in my case, it has improved my dutch!

3.THE CRAVINGS -   I didnt have that much weird cravings, during my first trimester. but if you do have them, TAHAN! CONTROL! i wanted to eat my sister’s ikan bakar, so hardy bought us tickets to Coventry! i got to eat her chilli crabs, lekker! and all her wonderful cooking! i wanted to eat KFC, hardy drove us to Brussles for to a halal fried chicken shop. i wanted to eat laksa penang, hardy cooked a mean laksa penang complete with cucur udang. i wanted a specific spanish omelette, ezrina got me the receipes. the rest, i tried cooking them myself! mee hoon kungfu sri damansara, nasi ayam hailam, curry laksa, daging Berjaya, nasi lemak (had to make do without the banana leaves and newspapers), nasi goreng kampung, my mak ngah’s ayam goreng. you just have to make do and try your best! brussels had a chinatown with huge asian supermarket, there’s a asian markt here in Geleen, it helps a lot! ice creams, they have nice flavours here, so no problem there! and thank God there was this Malaysian feast at the Malaysian embassy where we got to eat nasi kerabu complete with budu, sate with nasi empit, pulut kuning with rendang and laksa johor pak mat! it was quite difficult but i think i handled the craving issues quite well (ask hardy!). i still want ikan selar goreng tho

4. THE JOYS OF MORNING SICKNESS - Very very lucky indeed. None! i didnt have any! Very thankful, the tiredness, the headaches was bearable, alhamdulillah! but no vommitting! but i would recommend you to have towels next to the sink, and have your mints ready!

5. UNDERSTAND THE DUTCH SYSTEM -   pre labour, labour and after labour. everything’s been handled by a midwife. you have to be registered with an insurance company, then get a house doctor, register with them, then get a midwife, and register with them. you get 2 scans for your whole 9 month pregnancy (yes, only 2, one at 16 weeks, and one at 20 weeks), and if your midwife see theres a need for you to go for another scan, she will refer to you to the hospital (where the scanning will take place). you will visit your midwife twice a month at first and every 2 weeks for your 3rd trimester. she will poke your tummy and feel where the baby is, talk to you and ask your progress, any worries, check your blood pressure, measure your bump, you really should TRUST them. i had difficulty in trusting them, back home the doctor does everything, here, nope, you only get to see the doctor if you have serious problems and refered by your midwife! being a worrier, yeah, you tend to worry if the midwife are good enough! the common dutch way of delivering the baby, at home! by the midwife! but you have a choice, you can have your baby at the hospital, by your midwife and a nurse, but doctors will carry out a c section should you need one. no pain relief is encouraged, they will do it as natural as possible. once you have given birth, there will be a special nurse who comes to your house for a week to teach you all the things you need. paid by the insurance, you will get her to teach you on nappy changing, bathing you baby, she will cook and clean the house for you, wash your dishes, do the laundry… cool ey?! so far i’m gaining my confidence in the dutch system.

6. MOTHERCARE MASSAGE CREAM -   this is TRULLY a must have! get them ready! this is a miracle for your tummy! you HAVE to have them, buy at least a dozen! your tummy will look and feel so smooth you wont be able to see any stretchmarks! my midwife said i have a beautifull bump! (i have pictures to prove them but just take my word for it k?) oh, and it smells so SO good too! We dont have Mothercare in Holland, its a shame! the nearest is Brussels, an hour’s drive. and when i’ve ran out of it, my sister and the Royal Mail came to the rescue!

7. GO SHOPPING WHEN YOU’RE STILL ‘LIGHT’ - get the big stuff like car seats, prams, baby cot when you’re still ‘light’ (i’d say in your 3rd - 5th month). it helps as you get to see more stuff, compare the prices from one shop to another when you dont get tired easily. we bought a maxi cosi car seat, maxi cosi xplory, quinny speedi & dreamy and stokke’s tripp trapp. alhamdulillah, we surveyed, and it was all on sale. we saved quite a bit!

8. A RENAULT LAGUNA! -   they have the best seats! they were really comfortable and i could fall asleep in the car with no cushions! it was such a joy to be in one let alone drive in one. i’d say this is the most comfortable car for a pregnant woman! This was our temporary car for about 5 months, and now, we’re ready for the baby and the house! we now have an estate but i still think Laguna has the best seats! if you cant have a laguna, or your laguna’s been taken away from you, get a square cushion for your back, it helps! i have one in the car!

9. SUBWAY SANDWICHES - i couldnt eat cooked vegetables! i just cant, maybe its my own cooking, i dunno. so i turned to subway! they have the BEST bread (my choice: parmesan oregano) they make the best sandwiches with fresh salads! get the one foot long! its worth your money. unfortunately, my options are limited. either tuna, vegetarian or seafood/ surimi sticks (my fav!), if you’re back home, get the meatball or steak and cheese sub (yoyo’s and my fav!) seriously they’re good! try them today!!!!

10. IKEA CRISPS - do not eat ready salted crisps. contains too much salt! salt’s not good and it creates water retention and you might get bloated! we dont want that! we’ve been to IKEA too much, and while hardy’s queuing at the kassa, this zaza happily scouts around at the IKEA food section! too bad the meatballs arent halal! anyway, if you’re craving for crisps, they have the best crisps in the whole world! ’sour cream flaboured chips the original lantchips’, scandinavian style potato chips. trust me, they are simply the best! they dont cost all that much either (well at least over here). try browsing the IKEA SWEDISH FOOD MARKET before you leave IKEA next time!

11. SNEAKERS - i bought a pair of brown clarks while in the UK and it was the most comfortable shoes i’ve ever owned! they were flat and have the softest leather. however, your feet might get bigger as you reach 6-7 months, you really NEED a good pair of shoes to walk! you can get distress and very uncomfortable if you dont have comfortable footware when you’re pregnant. i had those cheap rubber slippers on when it was hot, thank God my husband doesnt mind me wearing them, they’re comfy! and now, i’m glad i invested on a Timberland sneakers! go within your budget, doesnt have to be Timberland! (warning: tying of shoelaces might be a problem for some).

12. PILLOWS -  the one to get is the special ‘U’ shaped pillows, specially designed for us preggers. i havent tried it before but i’m sure they’re good. and after delivery, you can use it for the baby. it costs too much, and i didnt see it as a need as i’m sure normal pillows will work too. i didnt want to pamper myself with all those. so what i did was to get as many soft pillows as possible to sendal my body here and there! my back, below my tummy, my legs… the hard one’s good for your legs, and the softer ones for your back and tummy! it helps! try it!

13. LONG MIRROR - do not even try to shave your legs when you’re 6-8 months pregnant! and once you recah 9, i suggest you can forget the whole idea of shaving! well if you intend to, do it infront of the mirror while you’re sitting down. it helps. go for a manicure and pedicure and ask them to clean your nails, or if you have a husband like mine, who’s willingly ready to do them for you, then thank God, serious! thank Him for giving you a wonderful husband!

14. FRUITS - thank God it’s summer, now we can get a wide range of fruits! i try to get as much servings as i can but currently my fav is the gala melon! i can eat the whole melon all to myself! get only the good ones, it pays to pay a little bit more so that you wont get disappointed. Albert Heijn (a supermarket here) carries the best and fresh range of fruits and vege. wash them over and over again if i were you or better still, get the organic ones!

15. CLOTHES - i wasnt ready to wear those loose clothing with ruffels and bows that will make me look twice as pregnant. NO WAY. i still wanna wear jeans, i still wanna wear 3/4 pants, i still wanna wear skirts and dresses, no baggy stuff. in choosing for your bottoms, i didnt know there were a few choices! listen to this: there’s below the bump, on the bump, above the bump! you really gotta try the bottoms before you buy them, and my advise would be, try them when you have a bump! coz you can never figure out how it will look like before you have a real bump! some shops even provide you with a ‘bump cushion’, an artificial bump so you will know how you will look like. try them on! me and kakak had a huge laugh while i was trying some maternity clothes. you think it might be too big for you, but wait till your tummy grows! i could still wear my fav low rise hipster jeans till i’m 6 1/2 months! they are good investment ppl, chances are you can still wear them during your first few months of pregnancy! i must really thank the person who invented hipsters! not so much choices here in holland, they’re rather ‘oldish’ (i think the average age for pregnant women here is mid 30s) but if you have H&M, you’re safe!

.. and lastly.. the most important one is..

16. BE STRONG - be strong in any way and every way you possibly can. it helps if you can try and be positive too! its tough therefore you need strong people around you to boost you up! thankful i’m surrounded by them

I’ve just realised i’m becoming more "Dutch". Not in a mat salleh kind of way, NO! i am still a proud anak Melayu Malaysia who ceboks in the toilet (hahaha!), who has to eat rice almost every other day, who speaks malay, who wears kain batik occationally, who misses the hot spicy tasty food back home and currently who likes to read (and only read) about Siti Nurhaliza’s wedding preparation (but not taking any sides!). Not in a kedekut kind of way too, NO! i’m just very selective to where my money goes to!

After being in this country for 8 months, i now know why they say "Lets Go Dutch". Dont get me wrong, the Dutch are very warm people. They can be very blunt too but they’re friendly, nice and some humble. Some, truthfully, are nicer than we are!! But when it comes to money, or charges, or TAX, my oh my!! not only they take away a lot of tax money from my husband, but they even charge us for a packet of tomato ketchup at the fast food chains - Mc Donald’s, Burger King for example! and they are not cheap mind you! especially when you’re pregnant and doenst have the mood and strength to cook anymore, especially when you’re trying to save up and a baby coming! for those who enjoys having their french fries with ketchup or mayo, that’s quite a bit to pay for every visit!!

You see, if you live here, and happen to have local friends here who’ll invite you over to their house at, say… 7pm, DO NOT expect dinner. if you’re invited to an opening ceremony of an office for example, starts at noon, DO NOT expect lunch! PLEASE fill your tummy before you leave the house! kalau tak masuk angin! if we were to be back home, an opening ceremony of a shop or a new office would probably serve nasi beriyani or a full course meal complete with tapai or kuih-kuih to their visitors and guests! food is something to really share and be proud of back home! Of course they (the Dutch) will invite you over for dinners, lunches etc, but DO NOT assume or think you might be served with solid food UNLESS they CLEARLY STATE or SAY the word "DINNER" or "LUNCH"! i’m not saying all Dutch are like this but only a slight majority of them.

I remember when we had unexpected guests and extended their stay, my mum would keep them in the house while dad ’sneaked’ himself out of the house by the kitchen door, got on the car and drove to any of the warungs to get food. my parents love having people over and they make sure they were fed (sometimes seriously fed! note: careful when sitting next to mum!)

Just look at any launchings, from a product to a showhouse back home where you can smell food even when you’re standing half a mile away!

If you’re doing a big major cleaning out, or like in our case, we’re currently doing major renovation of our house, or you’d like to dispose off some old furniture, well, you have to be really careful with what you throw, where you throw them and how you throw them. luckily, we’re just 10 mins away from Belgium! :))

So, ok, fine, since they’re gonna charge me for a packet of ketchup, i’ve left some in in our car! heheh. one’s gotta be smart!

I’d look out for bargains, "2 halen 1 betalen" (2 for the price of 1), or the "korting" signs! i love shopping for bargains! but when it comes to food, NOPE, never get the ones on offer, DO check on the expiry dates. it pays if you pay a little bit more on food! you will taste the difference!

We now collect zegels! Zegels are like stamps. depends where you shop, some will give you a stamp for every 5euros you spend, some will give you air mile points (like our reward cards back home, Bonuslink etc) with every euro. and mind you, we are investing a lot in this country, and contributing a lot to the Dutch economy, so we might as well take advantage of all the free things! no? take a look at some of our collections! actually, to tell you the truth, i’m more into it, compared to my beloved husband! the only stamps in my collection’s missing here are my Subway stamps!

BUT, the Dutch however, are very, VERY generous with their tea, coffee, hot cocoa, water, basically drinks! they’re not that bad, really, its just a change in culture, and something i’d like to share on how we’re "HANDLING HOLLAND" but we’re used to it now. I love the people we’ve met and made friends with, I’m liking their weird weather, i love the shopping, i like the language… i love it here!

No more in my lowest point, i’m glad to say and i hope it’ll stay! hormones was taking control and i wasnt going allow that to happen, so we got EXTREMELY busy learning more and more about kranens (taps), tagels (tiles), keukens (kitchens), sanitars, verf (paints), laminaat (flooring), raam en deurens (windows and doors) etc!

You guys (those who were worried and left comments), were great and i trully appreciate it Some are worried, asking me why have i been so quiet, why i havent been writing, and my answers would be:

1. no, not yet laaa, september, insyaallah! (i kept saying september september not realizing it’s already august! and september is just a month away!! yikes!!)

2. busy going to DIY stores and Media Markt! (i’m begining to like them more and more now.. Hornbach, Praxis, Gamma, Kar Wei… now, Media Markt in Germany, Cheap!!!)

3. internet connection sucks lately! (sigh)

4. not such a good weather to be writing blogs! (way WAY too warm! it hit 35c last week, trust me, its nothing like m’sia! the heat’s different. weather’s better now tho!)

So, i’m ok hardy’s ok baby’s ok too sugar level normal (there was a ’scare’ last couple of weeks, midwife told me that i might have to cut down on my sugar, but went to the hospital, took some blood, it was ey-o-k! normal!) and now, back to having ice creams!

A lot of good news lately, with people very close to me! and i’m very grateful and thankful! all of us are moving, to a better, fresher start, it can be daunting, it will be full of challenges, it can be tough. but insyaallah, bersusah susah dahulu, bersenang senang kemudian. All the best to all of us (you know who you are!). and like they say it here: "SUKSES!"