Handling Holland.. (and now aidan too!)

Today, i waived hardy goodbye, again. For the second time, he’s off to spain. this time, malaga, granada, madrid, bilbao and one more - i forgot! and again, of course i was sad to see him go but i’ll get used to it. i will be ok.

Today, i had to go to sittard hospital on my own to return my tests. hardy tried sending them for me before he left but he had to take a number and wait. he had to rush for his flight and so he came back, told me i had to go alone. so i cooked myself a quick lunch, and then headed off to the hospital. it was such a beautiful day today. sun was out, but it wasnt that cold, it was i think around 15c. anyone would feel good with this kind of weather! sekarang kalau jalan, ketiak dah boleh berpeluh!! hahaha!! and i kept saying, "alhamdulillah" "thank you God for this beautiful weather and allowing me to be here". i kept saying it again and again and again until i reached the first junction before tunnelstraat. turned left and i saw a really cute baby in an awesome, really cool red stroller***. she was so beautiful! i then acknowledged her mum and praised her beautiful baby! she then thanked me and the first thing i asked her (the mum) was "where are you from?" she then said "singapore". and i was like "OH MY GODDD!!!" "i’m from , jb and BOY AM I THRILLED TO SEE YOU!!" kecoh satu jalan!!!

We have been hoping to find a melayu here! Her name was rozie. she’s from singapore. shes around my age, i will ask her the next time we meet up. she’s married to a dutch. she lives quite near to where we’re currently staying. can you believe it?! quite near to us! she’s been here for 3 years. her daughter’s 10 months old and we’re just so happy we bumped into each other!!

So, there IS orang melayu kat ujung sipi sipi holland ni!! just one so far, but according to rozie, ada lagi sorang singporean but dah balik singapore. i bet our malay friends up north will be thrilled to hear we’ve met a malay here… in sittard pulak tu!! they’ve been very very concerned about us (noreen, maz, izhar).

We then parted ways, i had to go to the hospital, she had to rush to town to get something. we’ve exchanged numbers and i now have a friend in sittard!! (apart from the chip lady, karin- my dutch tutor, maraie- the pub owner, shila- the lady at the town council and yvonne- an angel!)

I thought to myself, this is all God’s work! it was such perfect timing! 2 mins late or earlier, i would have missed her!! and there’s a reason for everything!! believe me people!!

Hardy called and i told him "guess what, i jumpa orang melayu!" certainly made my day!

He is now enjoying his dinner with michaell, and he seems to love spain! cant wait for him to come back and show me the photos. i’m done with my dinner and will watch watever english movies on telly! i will have an early night tonight as my legs are aching! quite a walk i did today! i’m pleased! and with the help of hardy’s tshirt he wore to sleep last night, it might be able help me feel as if he’s next to me. (gembeng, cengeng, i know! but i dont care, i need it!)

*** will write more about this later on!

And off he went.. with Michaell to Dusseldorf Airport by midday, to a sunnier, warmer country.. Spain.

His travelling started early this month to UK but i tagged along (different flights tho, refer to my blog for more insights!), so i didnt actually feel like he’s away. but this time, its different. he’s away, and i’m home - alone. the loneliness kicked in at 6pm yesterday when he normally comes home from work and we’ll go jalan-jalan, or do groceries, or feed the ducks or just simply getting a cone of ice cream (now that it’s spring!). there’s nobody to cook for, nothing to look forward to, no one to talk to, to laugh with, nobody to watch telly with, no bedtime stories, and nobody to kiss my tummy every morning. i felt sad, missing my dear husband every minuite.

Sometimes its good to be away from each other - once in a while. it makes the heart goes fonder and the love grows stronger! you will realise how important it is to have that person close to you once they’re far. you’ll realise how much their presence means to you, you will realise how much their laughter means, you’ll realise how much they’d do for you…

I’ve realised this before, but more than ever now.

Its all different when we’re back in malaysia. back home, where you can simply pick up the phone and call your friends and say. "hey, lets go out" or "lets go makan" or "meh jumpa!"  or drive to the malls, spend hours window shopping or trying out stuff. here, i have no one (yet!), i do, but they’re so far away, maz, noreen, and our other shell friends are up north! and i still feel awkward to driving on the left side of the road!

His schedule will be packed from now on, to spain again on monday morning right till thursday. and there’s plans to denmark before end of month. I kept on telling myself that this is what he’s here for - to work. this is what we’re here for. we’re not on a holiday. this is what we’ve agreed on, i knew of this before we came here. i guess its different knowing and actually experiencing it. and i guess the first time is always difficult.

I’m going to the chip shop after this, where my favourite chip lady’s there, to have a chat! and its late night shopping tonight! now i wish i could drive! but i’ve got a good shoes, sittard should be ok, and maastricht’s just a train ride away… they’re good enough for now

He’s coming home tomorrow night. that’s surely something to look forward to! and we’re going to have mee kari, with proper tahu gemok goreng!

I miss him…

There’s one very special man we have here in the Netherlands. he is the one responsible for us, being here and responsible for hardy getting this amazing job, and, not forgetting, introducing vla to my beloved husband!

Hardy first met him 6 years ago when he was sent here, to holland for 3 months. they kept in touch throughout the years, remained good friends, cathing up whenever they can, whenever he’s in malaysia with dinners, petaling street etc. and i often hear my husband speaks highly of him, i told myself, i’ve got to witness this for myself! i’ve got to meet him!

I first met him last november during our one week trip prior the real move to holland. we met at Valkenberg for dinner, and he was indeed very warm! presented us with our wedding gift (which was perfect!), he then asked me while we were walking "what’s the strangest thing you’ve come accross in holland so far?" i then replied "you!" not in a mean way - NO! and he laughed and laughed!! his laugh would conquer the whole Valkenberg!! i’m glad he’s got sense of humour, i just wanted to see if it’s ok to joke around! it really was OK -  in fact, he is one of the most funniest man i now know!

He has been absolutely terriffic to us, making us feel at home, took half the day off to view some of the houses with us, providing us with all the information, explaining to us the dutch culture, letting us know of our options, translating some of our letters in dutch to english, sharing tricks on how and where to buy electronic stuff for the home, showing us where we could find fresh whole fish!, sharing his wise and wide knowledge with us, and basically, simply being a wonderful friend! we look up to him (even if he’s not over 6 foot tall!)

His name is Stephan Damer.

And today, 14th April, is his birthday. all i can say is, he has almost everything in life one could possibly ask for - wonderful parents (who cleaned his car last month! arent they amazing!?), a beautiful house (seriously, its got everything! and with a fireplace and plasma to die for!), a good job with a good company, an extremely cool car, with Sofia who’s strong and beautiful right next to him and will stand by him at all times (i’m sure of this), he’s got charming riyon who’d bring out the kid in him now and again, good friends (i know of 2 - me and hardy.. haha), and even has a dog one would envy, a very well behaved Cody (he doesnt bark at me! and so manja!) he has everything! and we cant top that with no other presents. BUT he will always be in our prayers, and how thankful and grateful we are to have him in our lives. He is indeed very special to me and hardy.

He’s a big guy, with an even BIGGER heart. bless him with all the happiness in the world for he trully deserves it!

Happy birthday to our dearest Stephan, may all his wishes come true!

(Its the weekend, so have a good weekend everyone, and happy easter!)

Hardy had to go to the UK on the 3rd to 5th last week for work. he didnt want me to be alone on my birthday, and so he booked me a flight to fly on the same day, and took the rest of the week off, which i thought was really really sweet. he had to fly via Brussels while i had to fly via Amsterdam. The office arranged everything for Hardy, i cant travel on the same flight as him coz it was way too expensive, and it was afterall, a working trip. so we decided i’d go with Thomson, the budget airlines.

The taxi arrived (for him) at noon, and off he went, down south, an hours drive, to Brussels. 4 hours later, after cleaning the whole house, i then took my bag, walked to the railstation, bought my rail tickets, and i was off, 2 1/2 hours railride, up north, to Amsterdam - ALONE.

The week before, i "grumbbled", no wait, thats not the right word. i let him know of my fears and worries. i’m not fond of travelling alone. "what if i miss the train?", "what if my bag’s too heavy?", "what if i dont know where to change trains?", "what if no one speaks english? i cant speak dutch! everything’s in dutch!" i didnt have that much confidence in me and i didnt have much confidence in this country, yet! (with all due respect). everything’s still new to me. so hardy suggested other options and alternatives, but i disagreed. knowing i HAD to do this - on my own.

I realized it wasnt so bad afterall once i’ve changed trains at Utercht. i then realized i’ve made him worry, which was so unnecessary! i then realized how silly i was, then i texted him, telling him, i’m ok! dont worry! its not so bad! gaining my confidence, and having more confidence in this country at the same time. had my early dinner at the airport, lingered around, it was ok! the flight was delayed (be prepared if you’re travelling with the budget airlines! passengers were all there, but there wasnt any plane!) this is my 2nd time travelling by thomson, so i knew what to expect.

Arrived Coventry Airport at 11-ish at night. kakak & redza picked me up and we went back to their home. dinner was all ready, it was kuey tiow goreng with huge prawns! it was like she was cooking it for 10 people! i then asked "who’s gonna eat all these.. you guys had dinner already!". kakak bulled her way around by saying, its for tomorrow as well, and i fell for it. 10 mins to midnight, redza said he’s going out to the petrol station. i was like "oh god, the things you’d do to get a smoke!". he came back with a ‘bright’ cake in his hands.. wishing me happy birthday! and i was so touched! he then said, "there’s more, wait!" Cant be hardy, hes having a full day today with meetings and dinners. and besides, his hotel’s almost 2 hours drive from kakak’s. cant be. and as i was telling myslef it’s not gonna be him, there he was holding a bag of beautiful flowers!

While blowing the candles, i still cant believe my husband has made it right on the dot, midnight on my birthday! i still cant believe he’d do such sacrifices. hurried off his dinner, walked miles from his hotel to the nearest train station, got himself on the train, changed trains, just to be with me for 5 hours on my birthday! he had to wake up at 5am to catch the first train back coz he’s got meetings at 8am!

We then sat, the 4 of us. hardy then admitted, he was extremely worried too, me getting there on my own, with my condition, but he had to do it. let me off once in a while. let me do it all on my own. kakak was right, it did give me a huge boost! and i worry too much!

It was just horribly sweet they’ve planned all this. (thank you SO much, you know you shouldnt have). mum and dad called that night, i was surrounded with people i love most!

What are birthday’s suppose to be? a celebration? a moment to reflect where we are now? to enjoy every bit of life? i’ve never been fond of birthdays. to me, its just like any other ordinary day. i expect myself to be more thankful and wiser. i was brought up by having my parents taught me the importance of being thankful right to the smallest things. we dont celebrate our birthdays with a bash, we would be very very happy with just a card and no presents. that’s how i was brought up all these while. birthday is not a big thing but to be thankful that you are well, healthy, surrounded with people who loves you and there’s enough food, roof over your head. i’ve always insisted that no one should get me presents on my birthday (altho its a great feeling to receive them).

Being at this stage in life now, i just realised that its our mothers who should be getting all the presents, the surprises and the well wishes. what did we do?? we dont deserve it!!! what they did was huge! they had to go through 9 months of worry, pain, craving, crying, being fat, moody… what else…! stretchmarks, sore breasts, backaches, sleepless nights… etc! 9 months of that and it was she who got us out of this world, imagine the labour!! (with the help, support and understanding for our dads of course!). so that morning, i told my mum, how thankful i am, she got me out to this world 29 years ago, i now know what she had to go through (well, almost), and as i watch hardy, i now know how difficult it must have been for my dad as well. i thanked dad, for being patient and for being there for mak during the 9 months. and i got this reply from them:

"It was no problem my dear! even if it was, it was worth it! worth every grunt and puff! love you so much and miss you so much too!"

Cute!

Mum & Dad : I love you both so very much and appreciate everything you’ve done for me for the past 29 years. I pray only the best for you, i pray for your well being, your health, your happiness and may all your wishes come true, insyaallah!

Kakak & Redza : I love you both so very much. it was so good to have finally spend some time together, the 4 of us. i enjoyed every bit of it. you can actually feel the love!! thank you so much!!

Sayang: Thank you. No other presents can beat going to bed with you and waking up next to you on my birthday. and the biggest gift was you. having you in my life. you balance me off and have confidence and allowing me to see things in a different light. i love you very much!

So, really, Its not the presents, its the presence.. ‘presence’  may also be their presence in your life and hearts, eventho their far.

And thank you all so much for remembering and wishing. Awa, Noreen, Maz, Yoyo, Kay, Adam & Ez, K.zue, Dayat, Aeron, Fazul, Farah, Hannah, Kharis, Mahani, Aidi, Cu, Khaizul, Ilena… and the nurse at Sittard hospital