Handling Holland.. (and now aidan too!)

I’ve done other people’s weddings, i’ve seen other people wed, and in my head, i have pictures of how i want mine to be. one cant help it, especially if you’re in this line of work! how i’ve always wanted my wedding to be very small and simple, with just close family members and close friends, who are dear to us and who appreciates each other’s company. i want something private where my guests would enjoy themselves, dancing away or probably chatting away with soft music at the background under white marque tents, a four piece band .. no formalities where kids will be free to run and walk in the garden.. i’ve always wanted a pastel wedding, fresh pastel coloured roses, hydranges, lily of the valley (in malaysia? i dont think so!), with ferns and ivy. i know how i want my baju to be, how to do my hair, pastel linens and table settings, how i want each table to be decorated with centrepieces, how i want the napkins to be folded, which photographer to choose, a complete videoman taping catching all our candid moments.. how my coffee and tea would taste like, how i’d display the cup cakes, lemonade and cocktail (!!).. yes, right to the detail! believe me!! basically, i want to do everything myself!!

With this short period of time, and with all that’s been going on with us, i hardly have the time to prepare for my wedding. well, not throughly. and with limited resources too! having to juggle almost everything at the same time makes it a just a wee bit difficult. wanting and needing are two different things. yes i do want a professional, a good photographer, infact, the best, to capture our special moments, but do we really need the best? do we really need a professional? they cost a bomb!!!

In reality, cocktail and lemonade?! hahaha.. dont think so, it will be sirap (the red one) or teh o ais limau. white marque tents? hmm.. if i’m lucky i’ll get a white tent. table settings, i’ll probably have to leave it to the caterers!! napkins, folded? doubt it, if i were to leave it to the caterers, it will be boxes of tissue papers on each table for centerpieces! oh god!

We have to face with realily, as hardy reminded me earlier today. yes of course we want a perfect wedding, with everything all so perfectly done as we perfectly planned. to have all those, one must need quite a sum of fund. to work with a limited fund, is rather difficult. nonetheless, i’m trying my best. what i do know now is how to prioritize. whether if its a priority or not. when it comes to weddings, there’s plenty of people to please. i’m thankful enough that both my parents have the same idea as me, well, almost. all agreed to make it as simple as possible. i must thank our family friends who have helped us a lot, our family members. we dont know what we would do without them!!

So.. ok.. there wont be lily of the valley, there wont be white marque tents, no four piece band… the most important thing of all is not to be stuck with debts, paying for everything after the wedding, we have to work within our means. and above all, we pray that everything will go smooth, and it will be a happy occation!

I may not get the wedding of my dreams, but i certainly got the man of my dreams! :))

5 more days and counting! :))

Last week, dad had ‘the talk’ with me. now that i will begin a new chapter in my life, with a completely new life, new place, new environment. he puts everything very softly that i will be facing new challenges as well. be prepared. there will come a point where things might go out of hand, its how you overcome it. together. dad said to me "from this day, whatever hardy tells you to do, adik kena dengar, kena ikut. i’m sure before hardy decides anything, he must have thought about it thoroughly". obviously, he knows hardy well by now. few other things to which a dad would advise his daughter before getting married. our roles and responsibilities. one more other thing dad said to me that day, its ok for him to be on his own once in a while, "let him enjoy his time with his friends. you on the other hand, find something to fill up your time with over there". never control him. it wont be healthy for the relationship". coming from a man who’s been married for the past 35 years, i have to bow down to him

As khaizul puts it to me when we had the talk some months back, he said "even if you’re deaf, you will still be safe with hardy. even if you’re blind, you’re going to be safe with him. in whatever situation you’re in sekali pon, you can just leave it to him, you can trust him". coming from a person who knows him longer than i have, i couldnt agree with him more. little little things we encounter in our daily lives might create arguments thus stress! little little things for example, where one parks the car in the mall, the route we have to take to get from one point to another, deciding which presents to get, how one eats, how to behave infront of the elders… i am so thankful that those little little things i dont really have to worry about. he just knows! he just knows how to find his way around, mingle around, do things on his own, speak when needed and vice versa. he just knows!

2 days back after our good japanese dinner, me, mak and hardy, all three on the bed, talking and sharing stories. mak had so many ‘talks’ with me, but this one was the coolest coz all three of us were on the same bed! she prepared me, in a way. how it was all so ‘basic’ for them when mak and ayah first got married. where they had this huge house to live in, it was given to them, but nothing inside. all they had was a bed and they then bought a rottan chair to put in the living room. that’s all they could afford. dont expect to have everything all done up for you once you’re married. dont expect a nice big house, complete with everything, you simply cant. "it will take time" mak said it in a very meaningful tone. it took them more than 20 years to have their own house, as they wanted it to be. and to fill our current house took us 10 years! be thankful with what you have and can afford to have. at least, you have each other.

Earlier that day, i had to go for my ‘interview’ with the imaam maahat. and after the interview, he told us of his story as well. he and his wife had no car when they first got married. no motorcycle. they have a house but nothing in it. somebody wanted to come over, so they bought a chair. what imaam maahat did was he tied the chair to his back and cycled by bike back to his home!

Mak’s advise was probably the best one! as a wife, you have to be everything to him! (i’m sure most mothers would advise their daughters the same). but how mak puts it.. it was hillarious! she then said, never raise your voice to your husband. if you are faced with difficulties, always, think positive, the negative voices in you are from syaitan. do things together, furnish the house together, buy groceries together. participate! respect him, love him and care for him. being a wife isnt simply washing and ironing his clothes, cook for him, clean the house for him.. it’s more. its sharing ideas together, be an advisor, a listener.. its everything!!! dont whine, greet him everytime he’s back from work, and when your hands are tied up, at least with a smile. both mum and dad had the same things to share with me, and some the same heading but a different versions!

One more thing which we learnt during our kursus kahwin, pray together.

There’s more to what they said to me. some, we would know when we experience them. i’m so glad all shared their experiences. it was priceless. priceless indeed…

I am trying to look at things in a different light now. With everything thats going on with me and hardy lately. Everything’s going on well, alhamdulillah… its just all are happening at the same time! It began with kakak’s coming home, preparing for her event, then we were down with the events, both hers and mine, then the raya hampers with both jb and kl to cater to. then it was eid. and hardy had to leave for shanghai. then me moving out of the apartment, now preparing for the akad end of this month and at the same time preparing for our one week trip to holland (cum honeymoon!!!) a day after our nikah! :)) kakak’s nikah on the 23rd december, our reception on the 24th, redza’s side on the 27th and our move to the netherlands on the 29th insyaallah. with everything and everyone around us, i cant complain. their help means so so much to me. it is hectic, but i’m ever so grateful! nervous as well!

During these period, i often remind myself there are other people too who are experiencing what we are experiencing. there are other difficult situations. so sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. if god allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. we would not be as strong as we could have been. never been able to fly.

I asked for strength, and god gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom, and god gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and god gave me a brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage, and god gave me obstacles to overcome.
I asked for love, and god gave me troubeld people to help.
I asked for favors, and god gave me opportunities.
I received nothing i wanted… but i receive everything i needed.

I kept saying this again and again, its just all so overwheming.